08/10

For the first time in my life, regularly, I started feeling a lot better about myself. I can't pinpoint mone eexact thing that had lead me to feel better, but the overarching theme is that I am taking better care of myself. I started going to the gym to exercise and build muscle, something I was against on the basis of a transphobic vision of myself (i.e. it would exsensuate my already 'male perceived' body). I was playing into the 'small dainty woman' archetype that I think it is easy to fall into - your mind is always in hyperdrive when all eyes are on you from media and the general public. Aside from all of that though, I am feeling much better, improved posture, stronger body and feeling more in shape. Switching to injections was a tremendous boost in my wellbeing as well.

Muscle is muscle, flesh is flesh yet gender has bled so far through our perceptions of reality that everything means the world and over.

My latest obsession recently has been Haven. As my partner knowns, I could rave about the game for hours. I have some gripes about it, don't get me wrong: how it was, from what I've read, made originally to be a heterosexual romance, so most of the main art of it is straight and cis, I also don't think the voice actors that voice queer couples are queer themselves but I might be wrong. However, the fresh wind that you feel when Yu and Kay speak to each other, when you see their, honestly, very normal and at the same time complex relationship with each other makes me feel very good. It's almost like the devs managed to create a 'normal' couple. It's such a breath of fresh air and I genuinely felt a pang of horror and dispair when they had a fight in the game.